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|Monday, September 12th, 2016|
|Sunday, January 11th, 2015|
|Friday, January 6th, 2012|
I haven't posted much in years. I should get back to this. I have kept sporadic journals in electronic or paper form. As of last month, I am unemployed but still working on some programming in R. I hope to make some contributions to it or other open source software later. The job was data analyst--helping to bring the data revolution to others. But I have not been keeping enough data on my own life to know what was working and not. This journal has helped me to reflect and learn, and I will get back to it. Yay.
|Monday, August 9th, 2010|
I need to sleep more. Or I need to sleep more some days. I'm going to sleep more regularly. I'm going to drink less coffee. I don't have any Endorush, and I want some. I'm going to take a break from it, at least. I've been thinking I should drink less caffeine and take a few days break for a while, but I've been having a tough time coming up with sufficient reason. Now I just want something to focus on, something to accomplish. It's just a goal. I can have the goal just to have a goal and accomplish it, I don't have to be convinced of how good of a decision it is. It's not a harmful decision. I already quit smoking occasionally. The other night I wanted one and did 3 sets of 6 of pullups instead. I've said before that it's outlived it's usefulness for me. I don't want to embrace that kind of self destruction.
I don't know if I'll get sexybeast abs. I'm working towards it, though. I've been making consistent progress towards it. I'm getting stronger also. That's also something that's maybe worth accomplishing and tough to convince myself about. Now I'm just going to do it for the hard work, for a goal. I just want something I can work towards and see results and accomplish something. It feels good to accomplish something and feel like I'm good at something and my work is going somewhere even if it's not all that great of a thing to accomplish. I can get rid of a lot of goals by over-analyzing them and trying to get at their deep usefulness or something. That additional intensity and focus and willpower from accomplishing something will help me with school. It will be worth the time invested to accomplish the goals.
It's something to do. There are a lot worse things I could do. I would be doing some less useful things or wasting more time if I didn't have these goals. They're useful in themselves regardless of the lasting usefulness of the end product.
|Wednesday, March 17th, 2010|
I have a presentation due in a week. I have a different presentation and a poster due at the end of two weeks from now. I need to get field work done and hundreds of more trees measured. I have a GIS project due in a month and a half, plenty of improvements left to do, and a lot of reading left. I have to make some maps and signs and distribute them for the same meeting with the presentation and poster, and I'll be doing some other work for that too. I had signed up for a SAS certification test on April 2, which is right after the poster and presentation, but I think I might change that. The reschedule fee is pretty low, and the retest fee is a lot more. I want to do it right when I take it the first time anyway, and I was being too ambitious with the scheduling.
I’m ready for a break from school. It’s spring break, so that should be a convenient time. But I have a lot to do. I had been pretty enthusiastic about this semester, but I started getting kind of bummed out with stuff not working so frequently in GIS class. I gave up on even getting the images prepared for remote sensing the lane widths. Then I changed my project since Google Maps did sort of what I was going to do. So then I started working on the new project and realized how much work I have left that I am going to be able to do. Today I felt similarly bummed out as I had about GIS. Part of it was getting up earlier than I wanted on a gloomy day and going outside when I didn’t even want to. Then I was unsure about my study design or how I was going to get 1500+ seedlings measured in time. And I started measuring the same row twice. That was a deal breaker for the rest of the day for me. I went back to school and entered the data and compared the remeasurements of that row. And I compared the different rows. I initially did it wrong, so I got that rows and remeasurements were significantly different. But only rows were for one growth measure. And that is fine. But the effect of the fertilizer supplement needs to be stronger than it now seems like it is for that to not increase the number of seedlings required.
Anyway I’m unsure about how much work I need to fit in to this week. And I would have to make up my mind how much of a difference I want to find significant to make up my mind with math on how many I need to measure. If the fertilizer supplement is as strong as has been claimed for agriculture, I already measured enough seedlings today. But all that got me kind of bummed out. Stuff like that gets rid of my motivation for school. I don’t like still feeling like I don’t know what’s going on much of the time when I’ve had 2 years of grad school. I went to the coffee shop this afternoon, and that helped me get some work done and make some decisions, but I had coffee late. Now I’m up late, and I’m not going to sleep thoroughly, and I need to get up early tomorrow to go out in the field and have a good attitude on a gloomy day.
|Wednesday, January 20th, 2010|
I accidentally bought a road bike on eBay a while back. And I haven't sold it yet. So I'm probably bike racing this year. I decided last year that I wouldn't because I should spend that spare time on school and hiking. So I'm racing anyway but not training the way I should to make it count. I don't even enjoy riding as hard as possible all that often. And I haven't been very competitive on the bike in the past. But I'm probably going to try it.
|Monday, February 16th, 2009|
I recently got a haircut. Now my hair is pretty short and I don't have dreads. I'm the happiest I've been in a while right now. I'm not sure why. School is going well. My thesis proposal progress and GIS class are both good. I like most of the people at school too. I'm still trying to figure out the social dynamic. I've been having a good bit of coffee lately. I think I'm going to take a break. I'll need to dedicate to that before I do it. But I'm not sure I care enough. My fat loss is going ok, and I've been working on improving it. My upper body strength is better, not just better relative to bodyweight. It would be nice to lose about 5lbs of fat by the end of this month. I doubt it. If I get sexybeast abs, I'll have to admit to myself that my abs haven't been holding me back from getting a girlfriend, my personality has and is.
I guess it's time for a new paragraph. I have a fellowship for grad school. A&M still hasn't paid me. I'm trying to get that worked out. It's not anything with the department, either. I'll have to quit drinking coffee due to the money instead of having to decide to stop if they don't shape up soon. There's a bunch of crap to deal with that UAH did not have.
|Wednesday, December 24th, 2008|
I've posted on here before that I wonder if I define myself too much by what I oppose. I don't want to do that. I'm lazy more often than I would like to be. I admire people that are more driven than me and relentless in doing the work it takes to get there when it's a goal that doesn't harm others. I don't know many people like that, though. That's a large part of the reason I like metal. I've wanted to do more schoolwork over break. I didn't finish A History of God or East of Eden. I haven't done as much on my thesis proposal as I wanted, but my professor hasn't got back to me as much as I wanted either, so oh well on that. This paragraph was kind of all over the place.
I don't know what I'm looking for now in my relationships with people. I'd like to have more friends. Close womenz friends have always worked out better than guys. I haven't made many new close friends in a while, though. People in grad school are somewhere between fellow students and coworkers, and I'm still trying to understand that. I haven't had a relationship in a while, and I've never really had a successful one that lasted a long time. Intermittent first or second dates haven't gone so well either. I used to be opposed to hook ups. Opposed in the way that I didn't want to do it, not generally anti, though. I don't know if I still am. I don't know if I should pursue that or not to help find out. Smoking infrequently helped me to not be one of 'those' non-smokers. Should I try for that with fat girls? Ugh.
|Tuesday, November 18th, 2008|
I am going to lose 10 pounds.
|Monday, November 3rd, 2008|
|Thursday, October 30th, 2008|
|Saturday, September 6th, 2008|
|Thursday, July 31st, 2008|
I'm going to run the Cotton Row 10k in under 40 minutes in 2009.
|Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008|
|UAH Twilight 5k race report
x-posted to runners
. I had not ran much in July prior to the race on the 19th. A couple of times I tried, including the race course, but it was just not in me. I don't know what was up. I know it wasn't dehydration. Maybe I needed to be eating more. Or maybe it was the hiking at work, such as a trail with ~800ft vertical that I hiked up hard to get to the spot where I was working and felt like I had ran a 5k when I got there. I also don't have regular internet access now, so I haven't been posting much. I'm requesting any good advice on not getting nauseous. It's kind of long, but here is the ( race reportCollapse )
|Tuesday, July 8th, 2008|
I don't have home phone or internet access now. I also don't have cable or a television, but I won't be getting those. I don't like not having internet all the time. I can't get the radar or weather forecast or current conditions, use a dictionary, map a run or bike ride, etc that I'm used to doing. But the library is about 1.5 miles away and UAH with longer hours is like 3.5. Right now I'm at gramma's which is 16, but I was here anyway to mow the yard. My mom, aunt, and gramma are all on the cell phone plan. On their plan I can get a phone, pretty good phone service, texting, cellular internet, tethering ability so I can use the phone's internet through the computer, GPS (full featured GPS), and more. That is ~$800/yr with the phone and service. It is a 2 year contract. I can afford $70/month now, but I really need to decide how much I need it. I don't yet know if I'll be able to afford it during school. That is 1 FULL day of work. I would need to decide if I care that much about it, but more important is how many full days of work will I have to spare during school? I don't yet know if I'll be able to pay my rent. Mom says she'll help if I can't, but I gotta financially act like I'm on my own even if my full time job of school that doesn't pay keeps me from doing it later.
|Tuesday, June 10th, 2008|
|Tuesday, June 3rd, 2008|
|Monday, June 2nd, 2008|
I've been wanting to read Hardcore Zen
for a while. No local library has it though, and I'm not sure I want to read it bad enough to buy it. I haven't yet tried reading it at a bookstore. I read some of the free preview online today. It talked about holding everything equal/not valuing anything over another. That includes holding any politician or political party above another or caring about preserving the environment. Later I went on a bike ride in Hampton Cove barefoot and with no head covering to feel the wind in my hair. I like that better than riding with a cycling cap and helmet. I saw the fancy houses and how close they are together and the cars and such. Pursuing zen (but I guess it's not really something you pursue) or whatever that book was talking about would mean valuing those houses as much as an off grid cabin with a nice lot and food growing in the yard. It would mean valuing a luxury SUV as much as my bicycle. It's not adopting a Hampton Cover aesthetic, but it's abandoning any aesthetic. And I'm not up for that. It seems sort of like giving your life over to Jesus. You need to abandon all pride and selfishness and hope, and maybe even your soul, first. Maybe I need to be more ready to abandon stuff like that for any fulfilling spiritual aspect of my life. I don't know if I'm just not ready for it or I don't want it.
|Sunday, April 20th, 2008|
|Tuesday, April 15th, 2008|
I had 400mg+ of caffeine yesterday to try to help with the bike ride from gramma's since it is proven to boost performance. The way it made me feel reminded me of what 15_characters
described. It also reminded me of anti psychotic type stuff that removes moods and desires. I felt like sitting around. And I didn't really feel like doing much else. I didn't feel stimulated from it or sleepy, just lazy I guess. The previous day I had been feeling pretty invigorated by the bike ride there in the morning. Then I was like ooo nom nom coffee and had 2 small cups. The feeling was kind of gone after that. That was even after a couple of days of not much caffeine. I wonder if caffeine has been incorporated too much into my mood or even demeanor. I'm having a little bit today since I did yesterday, but I'm cutting this stuff out of everyday use, even if it is just green tea.